October - a month to remember

As I hung wet clothes along the roped washing line I felt someone watching me.  I turned and saw her standing quietly by the corner of the house.  She was wearing a dark skirt and a faded blue cardigan that hung loosely from her delicate round shoulders.  Her small feet were clad in plastic pink flip flops and her hair, often so carefully braided, was short and fuzzy.  One hand steadied herself against the wall, the other held a man's handkerchief to her face.  

My voice caught in the back of my throat as I softly said her name.  She walked tentatively to the back door of our house and stood by the large steps leading into the kitchen.  I held her gaze and moved slowly across the garden, my arms held open to her.  Her tiny frame was rigid, but she allowed herself to be soothed, if just for a moment and I whispered into her hair that I was so, so sorry. 

We sat quietly on the top step and looked out into the back yard staring at the jack fruit trees and the wasteland of a vegetable patch.  Fuwe, our dog, sniffed at our bare legs and the cockerel from next door crowed restlessly.  Leo sat in his bouncy chair, time slowed and the hot air crackled.  She spoke carefully and slowly in English, her voice barely wavering .  I remained with my hands clasped around my knees and could only imagine the horror of what she had endured.

"I went to bed with some small pain here in my stomach, so I took 2 painkillers and tried to sleep.  I don't know what time it was, but I woke with a big pain.  The pain, it was too much.  I tried to get to the door but fell.  There was blood, lots of blood and my body was pushing and my stomach was hurting.  I remained on the floor and when I looked down I could see there was something, something big and red and that's when I collapsed.  My younger sister was staying with me, she's seven years old and she ran to the neighbour.  They managed to put me in a vehicle and a man drove me to a clinic, do you know the one?  It's up on the hill.  They said I slept for 3 hours.  I stayed for 1 night and then went back home.  But the blood, eeeeeeh, it was too much, as much as this large basin."

"How far was I?  The baby, it was already 12 weeks before it came...........and like it was for you Georgie, it is just so sad."


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From following Still Life 365, October is baby loss awareness month.  I've been remembering Ella and friends and families from near and far who have lost precious babies like her, babies that have been taken from us far too soon.  The loss of a baby doesn't discriminate and as Madrin our young Ugandan cleaner said to me, 'it is just so sad.'

Sending love and light around the globe to one and all X