Thursday, April 18, 2013

A road trip to forget

Sometimes you should never leave the house let alone get in the car, turn a key, put the vehicle in gear and drive.  Sometimes you should stay at home and vow never to get up and go anywhere further than the fridge.

Our recent road trip to Murchison proved this beautifully (bullet points have made this easier for me to swallow let alone stomach):-

  • Thursday 11th April - pack car to the hilt with bags, toys and gear for the Lodge, including large steel racks that go onto the roof
  • Drive 2.5hrs past villages, trembling goats and hundreds of kids, eventually ending up on a piece of straight, sweet, empty tarmac
  • Traffic Police leap out from a hedge and pull us over for speeding.  Get issued with a ticket and fine
  • Arrive at Lodge, place looks alive and wonderful after so much rain
  • Drink African Tea overlooking the Nile
  • Drive to our cottage and unload all the necessary gear
  • Chris reverses car but to avoid a path the back wheel hits soft earth and.....
  • Car rolls over and ends up on it's roof
  • Chris unhurt, car battered with popped out windscreen
  • Following morning a group of 15 men hand roll the car the right way up.  Leo watches transfixed and the buckled steel racks get taken away for scrap
  • Two days later Chris drives crumpled car 6hrs to Kampala dressed like a gangster - hoodie pulled up, sarong wrapped around his face and sunglasses (essential to stop insects piercing his head)
  • Quote for panel beating and repair work is received. Surely Leo could help to reduce the costs with his hammer?
  •  Chris returns to the Lodge the following day in a hire car
  • Spend 4 days doing work related stuff
  • Manage to do a game drive that Leo went bonkers over - BULAFO (Buffalo) GIIIIIIIRAFE, HIPPPPPPO, ELIFANT, PIGGY, PIGGY, PIGGYYYYYYYYYYY (warthog)
  • I loose my mobile phone
  • Following afternoon we whizz up the Nile to the mighty Falls in a Duro Boat.  Leo squeezed into a life jacket made him look like a mini, yet chubby, James Bond.  He loved every single wind swept second
  • Thursday 18th April - Pack up hire car with bags and toys.  Car doesn't start due to rubbish battery
  • Chris kicks car and fiddle with battery.  Car starts
  • Leave Lodge and after 2hrs reach the tarmac
  • Traffic Police leap out from a hedge and pull us over.  Hire car insurance is out of date.  Get issued with a ticket and fine
  • Continue on our way annoyed
  • Traffic Police leap out from a hedge and pull us over for speeding.  Get issued with a ticket and fine
  • Continue on our way completely pissed off.  Leave the tarmac and take the dirt road
  • Cow barrels down a hill and smacks into the hire car taking out the headlight
  • After 50mtrs we run over a chicken
  • Beyond fed up
  • Drive over the dam into Jinja and the car battery splutters. We slow to a maddening stop causing mass hysteria and the TRAFFIC POLICE, who assume we are terrorists about to blow up the bridge, come shouting and waving guns at us
  • Leo shouts 'lizard' and 'motorbike'.  They do not laugh
  • Car gets pushed out of the way by a knot of men in army fatigues 
  • We're too knackered to even comment let alone express emotion other than '2013 you have to be kidding us'!
  • Get home and look for mobile phone - totally MIA
  • Chris goes out to see a mate for beer/S
  • Leo refuses to go to sleep, I ignore him and switch on laptop
  • More SHOUTING and SHOUTING and then the word to make any parent shudder.....
  • Think that sums up our week
  • Oh and I promised Chris I wouldn't tell anyone anything, but some days just tell themselves.


anymommy said...

So very funny, mostly because I didn't have to live through it. I'm glad it's over, my darling, and just a funny story to tell.

Ggirl said...

U.t.t.e.r D.i.s.a.s.t.e.r. Truly!