Saturday, September 3, 2011

Ruby Shoes

The majority of my shoes are flip flops.  They have tired soles and imprints where my big toe presses down at the front and where my heavy heel rests at the back - not a good look by any stretch of the imagination.  They are the footwear of choice for living in a country where what you put on your feet, let alone on your back, often isn't given a second glance.

But like most women I have one pair of shoes that make me want to throw caution to the wind, hitch up my skirt, mess up my hair and slick on the lipstick.  They're my red LK Bennet wedges, a shoe that's completely impractical and as such they go everywhere I travel.  I got them in a sale in Covent Garden over 10 years ago at a time when Chris simultaneously managed to buy two pairs of Birkinstocks and shockingly only paid for one.

These shoes have carried me through mud, along a beach, across an uneven croquet lawn and over many a pot holed road.  They've seen me twist, twirl and sway on the back of too much wine.  They've lifted me high into the night as bands have rocked bars and parties have been attended.  They encourage me to walk tall and to stretch out my stubborn calves (and if the following morning is ever anything to go by then walking itself is a complete impossibility).

They are the sort of shoes that bring a smile to the face, like that of a trusted and much loved friend - someone who has seen you through the worst times and the good times - and on a rainy day they have the magic to make you feel a million bucks.


About 7 years ago my mum posted me a parcel and inside was a Mark Knopfler and Emmylou Harris cd.  The note read, 'Darling, not your 'cup of tea' I know, but listen to track 6.  I always think of you and so does Poddo.  All my love xxxx'

Love and Happiness

here's a wishing well
here's a penny for
any thought it is
that makes you smile
every diamond dream
everything that brings
love and happiness
to your life

here's a rabbit's foot
take it when you go
so you'll always know
you're safe from harm
wear your ruby shoes
when you're far away
so you'll always stay
home in your heart

you will always have a lucky star
that shines because of what you are
even in the deepest dark
because your aim is true
and if I could only have one wish
darling, then it would be this
love and happiness for you

here's a spinning wheel
use it once you've learned
there's a way to turn
the straw to gold
here's a rosary
count on every bead
with a prayer to keep
the hope that you hold

you will always have a lucky star
that shines because of what you are
even in the deepest dark
because your aim is true
and if I could only have one wish
darling, then it would be this
love and happiness for you


Tomorrow it will be three years since we lost our darling baby daughter Ella.  Three years on I remember that day as clearly as cut glass and not a day goes by when I don't think of her and wish upon a star.  But this year's anniversary is so very different, this year we have our 22 week old heart shaped baby to fit into the heart shaped hole left by Ella.  And in the words of Mr Knopfler and Ms Harris the hope that we have held onto over the last 12 months has given us Leo and more love and happiness than we could ever have asked for.

And as we light a candle in memory of Ella tomorrow night I may just slip on my favourite ruby shoes......X


Amelia said...

I will think of the 4 of you tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful words, my daughters name is Ruby. We will light a candle and think of your beautiful Daughter. I am so so sorry for your sorrow and so so thankful for your joy. From Eire x

K said...

Sigh. We share almost exactly the same trauma. I lost my baby girl last May - preterm labour, trying to hold on, strong heartbeats and kicks, retained placenta. It felt so familiar reading your story. Thank you for sharing. I am so happy that you have this heart shaped baby. It gives me so much hope. Big love to you.

Ggirl said...

Thank you so much for your kind words. September 4th was such a special day - we lit a candle, we shed tears, we played music, we visited Ella's tree and we held Leo tightly.
K - sending you much strength, hope and blessings XxX