Bucket of Tears

Last night the tears fell.  The combination of hope, anxiety, fear and happiness culminated in a huge onslaught of emotion and pent up grief.  It was like a bucket being poured over my head.

Earlier in the morning we'd been to the hospital for a final scan and to see Miss Winky for our last consultation.  She spoke of me being at the top of the list for women due to have a c-section next Wednesday.  Chris asked was this because of anything specific?  Apparently yes.  With women who have a 'high risk' pregnancy they like them to be at the front of the queue in case of any problems. 

I signed the hospital wavier, my signature confirmed I'd heard all she had said:-

Possible bladder infection
Chance of a hysterectomy
Potential stuck placenta needing further surgery
Severe bleeding
General anesthetic may have to be administered

The love and hope that's been invested in our hearts is so huge that I'm literally terrified of loosing it.  Chris being home has thrown a chink in my armour.  All of a sudden the strength I've had during these last months is starting to waiver - I'm hoping that's normal, is that normal? 

You see the thing is this time next week we'll have been a family for 20 incredible hours and that's a thought so enormous I can't even begin to fathom it.  But here's the reality, if I could put on the brakes and slow this train down I wouldn't, because I desperately want to meet our baby and that (as many of you parents know) is when the true tears will flow.